To begin to understand something, ANYTHING, I would suggest first understanding the nature of that thing. By nature I mean the underlying patterns of behavior and purpose of existence.
For instance, take a car. What is it’s nature… hmm… Well, first off it transports people. It does not move by itself, and only functions when someone uses it (a tool). It is also relatively sturdy and reliable. So it’s nature is as a reliable tool of transportation. It it is used as such, it will live a long and fruitful life. But if any of the aspects of its nature are violated, it will suffer. If it is not relied upon (and so not maintained) it will rust and slowly deteriorate. If it is not used as a tool, and left to drive itself, it will crash. If it is not used for transportation (maybe you decide to camp out in it) the battery will drain. It was built with a purpose and functions best within the perimeters of that purpose.
Now consider… what’s your nature? What do you do for a living? For fun? What are some recurring themes in your life?What you LIKE can be a consideration, but what is REALITY will give you a better idea of your current nature. Maybe you wont like it, but don’t worry, humans are capable of change!
Taking myself as an example… I work as a webmaster at a small company. I like all sorts of hobbies and learning things. My life goes through cycles of laziness/depression and productivity/excitement. So the webmaster and hobbies suggests that my nature is to think and learn. My cycles suggest to me that I am cyclical in nature. So my nature would be something like… one who thinks and learns steadily intellectually, but goes through cycles emotionally. That seems vague but accurate.
Now I can decide, do I like my nature? Well, the emotional cycles are not my favorites, but I do see them as natural and fostering of spiritual growth… so yea, I guess I do!
Doing this exercise, if you find out that your nature fosters poor relationships or is heavily influenced by something you deem negative, have heart! Identifying the problem is half the battle.