When someone has wronged you it if often VERY DIFFICULT to forgive. It is strange how we hold on to anger as if in vengeance against the other person. As if if we LET IT GO we would be conceding defeat to them. What an ABSURD notion! (this is one of THE DEVIL’S LIES)The one who SUFFERS MOST is you, and your SUFFERING is your DEFEAT.
You see? The TRUE VICTORY lies in never allowing yourself to be negatively effected. Every TRESPASS against you makes you STRONGER.
Here is how I learned to forgive:
STEP 1: Anger/Hurt – When you are angry, recognize that you are acting out of hurt. But either way, IT’S NOT IMPORTANT. The more focus you put on this stage, the more you suffer.
STEP 2: Pity – It sounds condescending, and it kind of is. But this is why it’s a TRANSITIONAL STAGE. Try not to get too caught up in it, though it is better than stage 1 (anger/hurt).
Think about this, do truly HAPPY and WELL ADJUSTED people go around wronging you and hurting you? No. People who THEY THEMSELVES ARE HURT always unknowingly (or knowingly) transfer this hurt onto other people, even if they don’t mean/want to. If they were bullied, they bully. If their parents were juerks to them, they’re jerks to you. If they were hurt in a relationship and it still effects them, they’re going to ACT OUT FROM THAT HURT. They are suffering from a SPIRITUAL DISEASE. It causes them GREAT SUFFERING and they probably have NO IDEA how to escape this suffering.
So PITY them. It is truly sad and pitiful when people act like animals, out of preconditioned self-destructive patterns. They need help. They’re suffering badly.
STEP 3: Love – Think about this… do people CHOOSE to act the way they do, or are they really TAUGHT everything they know from a young age by their parents and those closest to them? People CAN change, but they start off with a lot of personality traits and beliefs that THEY DID NOT CHOOSE. So go easy on them with your judgement. They are fragile and broken beings and they need love to heal and rejuvenate. This DOES NOT mean to dedicate your life to helping them and being super nice. NO. TOUGH LOVE is often appropriate. But it HAS TO COME FROM A PLACE OF LOVE AND HONESTY. And you have to keep your own feeling in a CALM and LOVING place. If you can’t do that around the person then you should stay away, or only be around them short periods at a time and FOCUS on PITYING and LOVING them instead of being mad.
If you can accept that they are the way they are, and that wronging you was in THEIR NATURE, maybe you wont take it so personally.
If you go PET A WOLF, would you be blame it for BITING YOU? If you do, you’re pretty DUMB. You should know that it’s in a wolf’s nature to bite. You should be APPRECIATIVE if they don’t bite, but when they DO it shouldn’t come as a huge shock. Maybe the person who hurt you was a wolf in SHEEP’s clothing. DON’T fall into the same TRAP over and over again. Recognize a wolf, and treat it as you would a DANGEROUS beast. KEEP AWAY!! But if you can LOVE the wolf, be PATIENT with it, and EARN it’s trust, then MAYBE it can change.
And most of all PRAY FOR THEM, because you can’t control the world around you, just yourself…